Uneasy with ease?
I have to admit I’m feeling a little spoiled. As I write this, I’m sitting in my home office, no super-urgent projects to speak of for once, and Danielle - owner of Detroit Maid - is in my kitchen whipping the shit out of a bunch of dirt. Danielle isn’t usually the dirt-whipper, she’s the #LadyBoss, but as she put it when she showed up on my doorstep an hour ago, sometimes as a small business owner you get to be “both the chief cook and bottle washer.”
And for the record, that chief bottle washer has spent more time cleaning my microwave this afternoon than I have in the past five years.
When I quit my j-o-b those many moons ago, one of the first things I gave up was paying someone else to clean my house. It had always seemed a little frivolous - but it was a frivolity I was totally willing to indulge when working 40+ hours a week and going to grad school. Once income stopped magically appearing in my bank account every two weeks, I figured a house cleaner was simply an expense I could no longer afford.
In fact, I pretty much figured life as I knew it was over completely. No more traveling, shopping, eating out, manicures, nights out… no more fun.
I’m 22 full moons into this “no paycheck thing" and I am surprised to find that there’s still travel and shopping and eating out and manicures and, on rare occasions when I can no longer take the state of my home - Danielle in my kitchen. Part of the reason I can still do these things is that I have reprioritized my spending and aligned it with what I most value. But, even more than that…
I have come to realize that I have always had more than enough, I just didn’t know it until I had less.
Lovelies, I made $60,000 more dollars my last year of working than I did my first year out on my own - $60,000! - and it NEVER felt like enough. If you would have asked me then, I would have told you that hiring someone to clean my house was a splurge that I couldn’t truly afford. The truth was, I could have easily afforded it back then.
I was stuck in the mindset of always looking for what I didn’t yet have - the next promotion, the next title, the next raise, the next whatever - because I was convinced that what I had was not enough. I was not enough, and never would be.
I was stuck in a scarcity mentality.
I’d love to tell you that it’s all sunshine and daisy and unicorn farts now and that I have fully adopted abundance and the mindset that I will always have enough. I haven’t - I am a work in progress. It’s a huge challenge for me right now, in fact, exactly because I have no urgent projects to speak of, because Danielle is currently scrubbing the shit out of my trash can (seriously, people clean those?!) and because life feels easier than it has in a long, long time… ease is completely unfamiliar to me and I struggle daily not to panic and lose my shit in this space.
First world problems, I know. I also know I'm not alone.
Are you battling the unfamiliarity of ease? Struggling with that idea that maybe, just maybe, you have enough - you are enough? You’re not alone and I’d love to hear your story. Drop a comment below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
With much love and gratitude,
Ursula Adams, MSPOD
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