Rare air

I once had a mentor tell me he was concerned about my ability to take it to the next level. “Every time you take a few steps forward, I see you take a step back,” he said to me.

​I was crushed. Devastated, really. I had failed to be successful all the time, which I thought meant I was a failure all the time.

I know better now.

None of of us succeed consistently. Change is not a straight continuum - it’s a pendulum, swinging back and forth.  Two steps forward, one step back.

​It’s not realistic to think we can live in the rare air of the unknown all the time. Every once in a while we have to come back down to earth for oxygen and respite.

Don’t Quit. Rest.

I was reminded again tonight how important it is to give yourself grace when you can’t succeed all the time. The Mister and I have been working for two months to buy a house close to the SheHive. I love my life as a mortgage-free Detroiter, but I hate the constant drive from the east side to everywhere I have needed to be for the past three years more.

It’s hard to secure a contract for a home in Ferndale - it’s one of the most competitive markets out there. We were outbid or beat to the punch more times than I care to recount. We finally found a house, only to discover that as hard as the home-shopping process was, getting clearance to close on our mortgage was even harder. Especially being self-employed for the better part of three years.

For a month now, every time we are told that we’re all set to move forward, a faceless underwriter from some far-off land has thrown a new hurdle our way. I cringe every time my phone dings, fully expecting it will be a text from our mortgage broker’s assistant asking for our taxes for the fifth time, my husband’s latest pay stub, a letter guaranteeing I won’t make him pay back the money I put in our joint banking account or a blood oath that we will sacrifice our first born to the mortgage gods if they give us a loan for which they’ve fully acknowledged we have more than enough income to pay back. (Sorry, Aleah, it’s been a good run…)

It’s been weeks of ups and downs. We’re both mentally exhausted from the constant stress and uncertainty.

We were finally set to close on Friday, only to receive a request at the close of business on Thursday for a set of documents that I have no ability to produce. “I give up,” I said to my husband and promptly went to bed - at five thirty in the afternoon.

I woke up a few hours later with fresh eyes and a new perspective. I’m not quite ready to throw in the towel - I still have a little fight left in me. I spent the rest of the evening digging up what I could, scanning endless pages of tax returns from years so long ago I don’t even remember them, sending emails and making phone calls. I don’t know if it’s going to work, but I do know I’ve done all I can.

When you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.

Lovely, do you need a rest? If so, take it. I’m grating permission if you won’t give it to yourself.

​With much love and gratitude,

Ursula Adams, MSPOD
SheHive Founder