On jealousy & joy.

You know how when you get something new and you are so damn proud of that thing because it’s unlike anything else out there… and then suddenly you see that thing everywhere? Like when you buy that handbag that no one else has and suddenly every teen this side of the Mississippi is carrying it too? That’s called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon - or the frequency illusion. 

Baader-Meinhof is really just your brain bragging, “Hey, I just learned something awesome and I’m going to look EVERYWHERE for that something awesome now without actually thinking about it." And because our brain really hasn’t evolved a whole hell of a lot since the time of cavemen (true story), it only needs to see that shiny new thing once or twice before becoming convinced that it is seeing it EVERYWHERE.

So, I’ve been having a serious case of the Baader-Meinhof lately. Suddenly, every women I know owns a women-only venue like me or is a coach like me - or does both, like me. Only, you know, not exactly like me because - in the stories I write in my head about them - they all have eleventy-billion clients and spend their evenings leisurely rolling about in their fat stacks of cash while I’m still trying to figure everything out.

I hate - HATE - when comparison and competition is the first place my brain goes.

Because logically I know that there is room for all of us the table - that I offer something unique to a unique set of people and that the SheHive is unlike every other women’s space out there which makes it exactly right for it’s people. But my brain hasn’t evolved since caveman times and apparently my emotional intelligence is only slightly more mature. Jealousy is still my initial reaction more often than makes me comfortable.

I was having breakfast with Jennifer, the newest SheHive KeyHolder, a few weeks ago and I ‘fessed up to her. “I’m experiencing so much jealously right now. Something’s off. How do I stop it?”

We talked a bit about the abundance mindset and about not having to be everything to everybody - stuff my brain already knew. But the last thing Jennifer said to me really struck me, “Why deny someone happiness?” she asked me. “When you hear about someone new breaking into the space, or launching their new business, why not be happy for them? How would it have felt if someone wasn’t happy for you when you launched the SheHive?”

My life is only better if yours is too.

It was what I needed to hear to jar my brain out of it’s destructive little loop. Your joy doesn’t lessen mine - it only enhances it. It’s the very premise of the SheHive… we’re all in this together and we can rise up, together.

So thanks to the wisdom of one of those awesome women practicing in the same space I do, I’m consciously committing to practicing joy for others over this next week and there’s no time better than right now to start.

What can I celebrate with you this week? I’d love to here about it! Shoot me an email or drop a comment below

With much love and gratitude,