Start Somewhere

Most nights, after a full day of working for my corporate clients and taking care of my home and teaching whatever class I have lined up at the SheHive, the rest of the family goes to bed, and I settle in to my office to catch up on everything I didn’t have time - or energy - to do during the day. Stuff like answering emails, writing newsletters, and scheduling classes.

Most nights, however, I’m too tired for anything that involves critical thinking, so eventually I find myself marching to the refrigerator - even though I’m not hungry at all - to find some sort of fuel to keep me awake long enough to do what I have to do. It’s such a common practice that I’ve added 55 pounds to this short, petite frame (with a tall personality) since starting the SheHive four years ago.

For a year now I’ve been working with my therapist to solve the puzzle of why I won’t just let myself rest when I’m tired. Is it guilt for having the audacity to start the SheHive? A fear of failure? Fear of letting others down? Maybe it’s just sheer stubbornness.

Whatever it is, a year of therapy and self-reflection hasn’t given me a clear understanding of the root cause of this issues. So I did something radical this week… 

I went to bed when I was tired. 

Not once, not twice, but three nights in a row now. And, to no one’s surprise, all week I’ve had the energy to do what I need to do without late night trips to the refrigerator.

I still believe I need to work towards a full understanding of what’s behind all of this -  otherwise I’m destined to fall back into my bad habits. But I can’t let not knowing all the answers to stop me from applying any of the answers. Even if more sleep isn’t the full solution, it’s a step closer to it.

It might help to have a complete picture before you start a puzzle, but it’s not impossible to start the puzzle without it. The more pieces you add, the clearer the picture becomes. What “radical” step might you take this week to start building a clearer picture?
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With much love and gratitude,