Dear stars and universe, I’m not even sure where to start this week…
Maybe with a story of how I recently broke a personal record for days without showering. Or maybe with the story of how I went a week with a fever and didn’t fully realize it until I attended a Saturday Meditation & Tea and got still for the first time in, well… a week. Or I could tell you about how I recently spent an entire night throwing up an organic apple (and, I am pretty convinced, a worm) and still considered going to work the next day because I had so much to do.
I could regale you with tales of how I haven’t seen the inside of the yoga studio - once my home away from home - since May. Or how I had a near-meltdown when we had to cancel three classes in a weekend due to low attendance. Or how I threw a full-on temper tantrum, kicking my feet and wailing, at 3:30 am last night when the dog whined to be let outside.
Or we could talk about how my roots were three inches long until this morning or how I haven’t bothered with a pedicure since July. Or how I have slept in a recliner, fully clothed, on more than one occasion recently just so I didn’t have to bother with “getting ready” the next morning. Or how I cringe at the bags under my eyes in every photo of me that has been taken over the past few months.
I could tell you about the ten cups of coffee and zero cups of water I drank yesterday, or the multiple Mondays at the beach with the family I passed up all summer long so I could work, or the bills that haven’t been paid on time, or the critical appointments I still haven’t made or the story of the suitcase that has sat, unpacked, on my basement floor since April.
I could expound on one hundred different ways I haven’t been taking care of myself recently or I could just tell you this… I’m living in a way that if any of you were living, I would gently and lovingly coach you to get your head out of your ass and start making self-care a priority like it was your fucking job.
My breaking point came this morning when I woke up and the first thought that popped into my head was, “I’m angry.” I did not leave behind a twenty-some-year career and a six figure income so that I could wake up angry. I left behind a twenty-some-year career and a six figure income precisely so I would never have to wake up angry again.
All day long I’ve been thinking back to my No Matter Whats - the set of guiding principles I set for myself when I left my job and started the SheHive. I promised myself that no matter what...
Seems I may have violated one or two - or almost ALL OF THEM - recently.
I love my work at the SheHive, but I can’t bring my best self to it if I’m working around the clock and never taking a break to fill my own bucket. I can’t be effective if I’m waking up angry. It’s time for a reset. So I’m recommitting to the future of the SheHive by recommitting to my own self-care - to some yoga and some random afternoons off and to some rest and to some relaxation. I booked a road trip to Savannah with the Mister and I blocked off every Monday on my calendar for the foreseeable future. And I ‘fessing up - I’m not living my best life.
I feel better already.
We’re celebrating the one year anniversary of the SheHive in just a few days and I really, really wanted to use this particular newsletter to share with you all the sage wisdom I’ve learned and earned over the past year. But it dawns on me that the most valuable lesson I’ve learned is this - we are all always a work in progress. And no matter how clear we are on our goals - on our No Matter Whats - it is a life-long practice to learn to live in alignment with them. I will never be perfect, but progress will be - has been - made.
What are the No Matter Whats you have made for yourself? And how are you progressing towards them? Leave a comment below or shoot me an email. I’d love to hear your story!
With much love and gratitude,
Ursula Adams, MSPOD
SheHive Founder & Soon-to-Be Yogi Once Again