If you can’t find a solution to the problem, the problem is likely a truth you haven’t yet accepted.
Winter is coming and like just about every other transplanted Northerner you know, I’m dreading it. It’s 4° outside, there’s approximately 22 seconds of sunlight daily, I have to wake up early to shovel and my drive time is doubled everywhere I go. As if that wasn’t all hateful enough, the season is merely a lead up to April which brings flooded backyards full of mud and Tax Day.
Ugh. Just double ugh.
Like Dominique shared with the group at last Friday’s Monthly Healing Ceremony, “My favorite winter sport is complaining about winter. Every day.”
So imagine my disappointment when, at that same Healing Ceremony, our guide, Dawn, invited us all to pull a card from the Tarot and Oracle cards laid around the altar and the one I choose was a winter scene that simply read, “Reflection.”
“Oh, hell no!” I exclaimed. “I’m putting this card back.” Never mind that I had actually seen a very similar image during the guided visualization portion of the Ceremony just moments earlier. This card was obviously meant for someone else… I. don’t. like. winter.
Dawn, normally a pretty laid back person, stopped me in my tracks. “No. It’s your lesson. Take the medicine,” she quietly demanded.
Time to pay attention
Dawn doesn’t offer outright challenges often, so I decided to abide. I took the card home and tacked it to the bulletin board in my office. I’ve been asking myself all day what it is about this heinous season that I’m supposed to be appreciating?
Truthfully I know that the lesson - the medicine, if you will - is a Universal demand for me to slow down and turn inward. It also happens to be a strong suggestion of my therapist’s too. It’s a message I’m getting all over the place.
Perhaps it’s time to pay attention?
Time to slow down
Even though this is the lead up to our busiest time of the year at the SheHive, it’s a slow time everywhere else in my life. I take most of the month of December off from my consulting gigs and my social life grinds to an halt until I can safely leave home without fearing a frostbitten death.
Winter means lots and lots of time for just me. Time to reflect, to breathe… time to exhale, to sit and contemplate. Maybe even time to evaluate my plans and get back to this intentional way of living I recommend so highly for the rest of y’all. It might also mean a little extra time for my family, those amazing and amazingly-neglected people I believe still live in my house.
And time to appreciate
Slowing down and turning our attention inward can be a scary proposition. If I slow down enough, I’ll actually have to face a few facts I’m not yet ready to face… goals not yet met or plans that didn’t exactly pan out. But always moving at a frenetic pace also means that I never slow down enough to revel in all that did work out… goals that were exceeded, plans that pivoted to something ten times better than originally imagined and loves, ideas and friends that I didn’t even know this time last year.
In it’s infinite wisdom, the Universe may be onto something with this seasonal stuff (even if I still vehemently disagree on the necessity of snow in the overall grand plan). It’s the season to slow down. To relax. To be with family. To reflect. To appreciate.
What does winter mean to you? I’d love to hear what you appreciate about this season! Drop a comment below or shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
With much love and gratitude,
I’ve been working on a book for the past year and, for whatever reason, it dawned on me over the weekend that some might consider it a self-help book once released. And that scared the shit out of me. It’s full of truths I have learned along my life journey and lots of beautiful language - and a fair amount of cussing - but nowhere in it does it give practical advice on how to actually help yourself.
It’s a memoir to inspire, not a toolkit.
It’s an important distinction. So much so that I added a preface over the weekend saying exactly what I just said above, but with about one thousand extra words - including the words dildo, phallic and twat.
Because that's how I roll...
My bookshelves are full of books that promised a “better” me. In fact, right now I’m staring at a stack that promised me they could help me fix my finances, my ability to speak up, my memory, my business, my love language, my relationships, my Zen, my inner feminist, and my supremely fucked up relationship with food.
Most of them fell flat.
Why? Because my fear of money or inability speak up when I really needed to were merely symptoms of a larger affair… my inability to truly believe I deserved any of it. I have yet to find a single book so powerful that it could rewrite 40+ years of what I had been trained to believe about myself - that I wasn’t worthy of prosperity, love, kindness, self-love…
Irregardless of the author’s intent, these books could have never “fixed” me. I had to adjust my expectations. They were merely inspiration.
And inspiration is a big part of our journey. So is connection with others that are experiencing / have experienced the same. It’s the premise of the SheHive, in fact. But at it’s core, sustainable change only happened when I did the work to uncover the core beliefs I had about myself, how they were formed and how I could rewrite them.
I needed to do my work.
And my work included t-h-e-r-a-p-y. Lots and lots of therapy. Time spent with a trained professional who best understood the tools that could help me rewrite a story I had about myself that wasn’t, necessarily, all true.
That’s not to say that classes and books and time spent with other “lay people” who get it” isn’t important, because it absolutely is. But it’s just part of the equation.
Are you doing your work? If so, inspire your Hive and share your experiences in the comments below. What have the therapists and healers and counselors helped you to discover about yourself?
Last Sunday a producer from CBS’ Eye on Detroit, Tim, joined the SheHive KeyHolder’s monthly meeting to interview a few members of the team, film around the SheHive and learn more about the organization. It was the most polite meeting we’ve had in the SheHive’s 2+ year existence - nary one “fuck” was uttered during the meeting - and everyone, normally clad in sweats and top knots, was dressed to the nines.
Tim told us to expect the piece to air the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Then I got a Instagram message from him promoting today’s Eye on Detroit. I assumed it meant that our piece had been bumped up a few days. I went into immediate action, informing all the KeyHolders to tune in this morning, and working into the wee hours of the night to make sure as much of our new class schedule was online as possible.
And then… nothing.
The piece didn’t air this morning and I’m questioning Tim felt the need to share today’s promo. He wanted us to see what a promo looked like? He was super proud of the work and wanted to share? He wanted us to help promote today’s stories? He sent it to us by accident?
I still expect the SheHive story will air next Wednesday as originally planned (so tune in!), but today’s miscommunication has me thinking… why didn’t I just ask Tim why he was sending the promo to me before I moved into action?
Our most basic need is the need to be seen and to be heard by others - to be understood. Clarity is one of the greatest gifts we can give to each other. Yet we are often so afraid to ask each other for clarification when we don’t understand the signals, or the language or the intent. More so, we are afraid to make ourselves clear when others misinterpret us.
Which takes me back to the KeyHolder meeting…
Even though we cleaned up our language (until the camera left the room) and our outfits at Sunday’s meeting - the work done in that gathering was top-notch as always. We’re spending time through the end of the year making sure we are crystal clear on our purpose as a team and how we operate as a team. I’m pushing the team hard to move beyond platitude. For instance, saying we want to be a team that is trusting isn’t good enough - we have have agreed that trust, for us, means we don’t gossip, that we forgive mean moments (but not mean girls) and that we, individually, only commit to what we can actually do.
Clear expectations are kindness. We know what to expect of each other and what is expected of each of us, individually. We don’t have to travel among each other worrying that we have violated a standard, because the standards are explicit. You know what that feels like? Like freedom. Like love.
Of course, being clear is scary because then we also know exactly when we violate the rules - and when others have violated ours. We can’t pretend to not know anymore. That’s okay… we can do hard and scary things. Our track record of surviving every hard thing is 100% to date.
I’m committing to moving through this world with more love right now… by asking clarifying questions, by letting people know I want to understand them and by making myself clear. How are you going to show up with more love? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Comment below or shoot us an email at email@example.com.