I was doing a bit of digital clean up late last week and came across a quote I had saved in my notes way back in 2014…
“Until I create a compelling now and a compelling future, what’s the topic? The past.”
Ouch. Thank you, Universe, for the summation of 2021.
At one of our very first SheHive events - five years ago this Thursday - one of our community members, Nancy P., declared that she wanted to reclaim the word “Crone.” She was sick of older women being labeled “hags” and wanted to reclaim the word to describe a wise woman.
The thought has stuck with me all these many years.
One of the things I have always prided myself on is the fact that the what we offer at the SheHive is grounded in evidence-based research. We’re not just delivering webinars full of positive affirmations, “You, go girl!” cheerleaders, and the latest fads, but providing learning based upon scientific theory and time-tested tools that can actually help you make the changes in life you want to make. And we couple it all with facilitators that have lived experience.
So, it was that scientific mindset that brought about a conversation almost five years ago with one of our facilitators, Nancy, following a Saturday morning meditation. In our sharing circle, after the meditation, Nancy revealed that her deceased father had appeared to her in her meditation.
“Do you really believe your father just visited you?” I asked Nancy after the room had cleared out.
Not everyone needs to hear your story, but somebody does
A few times a month I sit down to write a blog post and newsletter for the SheHive community. Some weeks the words flow like an inspired river. Some weeks I have to pry and wrestle them out. And some weeks, like this one, my inner critic makes herself loudly known and starts questioning whether I have a story worth sharing.
“Who. the. fuck. do you think you are to be trying to teach anyone anything?” she asks.
And, truth be told, my inner critic - I call her Roz - isn’t the only one giving me negative feedback or questioning my who I think I am. There are weeks where the number of unsubscribes to this newsletter surpass the subscribes. There are weeks where I hear nothing but crickets after I hit send. And there are times (luckily, rare), where people reach out to me and let me know they don’t like what I’ve written or don’t think I’ve earned the right to, well… write.
But there are many, many weeks where I hear back from someone that they can relate to what I shared. And by doing so, they’ve shared a little of their own story with me. These are the moments that remind me of how important it is to share our stories.
If you follow the SheHive on Instagram, you might have noticed a post last week of a chalk drawing on a sidewalk that read, “One day you will tell your story of how you’ve overcome what you’re going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.”
What unshared survival guides do you have within you?
From the time we are little, we are taught that if we want to make a change the first step is to make a plan on how we are going to do so. When I coach women, however, I ask them to define where they are going before they make the plan to get there.
It’s like a vacation, I tell them. You have to know if you are packing for Alaska or Hawaii before you start packing and mapping your route to get there.
I have all sorts of tips and tools in my bag of tricks to help women define the “where” and they have decades of training in how to create a plan, so we’re generally good to go for a few weeks. That is, until the plan doesn’t work out and they walk into the SheHive with tears in their eyes, ready to give up - convinced they’ve failed because the plan didn’t work.
But here’s the thing - the plan not working IS the plan working.