About once a month, since the day we opened, I get contacted by someone from somewhere - Keego Harbor, Grand Rapids, Portland, Phoenix, Los Angeles - that is interested in franchising the SheHive. I always giggle when I get the call. “You don’t really want this quite yet,” I tell them. “The SheHive is a pure labor of love. I’ll call you back when I figure out how it becomes a business.”
No one is getting rich off of the SheHive. I have yet to recoup a single penny of my initial investment in the business. Every time I get close to starting to pay myself back, some major expense pops up - like buying out my business partner or signing a new, major contract.
I work nearly full-time as an organizational development consultant and leadership coach in my other business to contribute to the household finances. Both “jobs” together make for an insane schedule which has resulted in more sacrifices and a less money than I had ever anticipated - but the work fulfills me in so many ways that cannot be measured by money alone. I can’t foresee a time when I would want to give up either.
Yet, the numbers are still always in my head. The numbers in my checking account, in my savings account, in my retirement account, on my invoices, on my tax bill… I was trained to believe that those numbers - along with the number on the scale and the number on my birth certificate - were the story of my worth. I know better now, but there are still days I revert back to the old stories.
Tuesday was one of those days.
A group of us met to discuss the details of a new lease for the SheHive. We’re doubling our rent and paying out a hefty (by SheHive bank account standards) amount in security deposit. My brain went right to the old story. How much money would be left? Could I really afford it? Should I just play it safe and take on a lesser lease at a lesser property? What expenses could I cut?
The negative chatter continued in my head all day long - the story looping over and over, “You don’t have enough. You’ll never have enough.” Then I got real still, took a breath and remembered that’s not my story anymore.
My story is abundance. My story is that I have enough. My story is that I am enough. My story is that if I dive in deep into what fills me and what fills the world, I will always have - and always be - everything I need. My story is that I belong to a benevolent universe.
And that benevolent universe has a kick-ass kitchen, a cleaning crew, dimmer-switch lighting, ample parking AND a roof that actually does what a roof is supposed to do - keep the elements outside.
These new stories about my numbers didn’t develop naturally. They developed over time by sharing the old stories with others that knew differently and cared for me enough to help me understand I could rewrite them. I bring that up because, if the stories you believe about your own numbers - your money, your weight, your worth - are no longer serving you, there are so many prime opportunities kicking off this next month at the SheHive to reframe and rewrite.
If you need to rewrite your story about the number on the scale check out Emotional Eating Rescue - a three-month course that will help you understand the food-mood connection and improve the quality of your food decisions no matter how you are feeling.
If you need to rewrite your story about your finances, check out Money Mastery for the Modern Ms. (or Miss or Mrs.!), a four-part series that will help you get masterful about your money!
If there are other stories that no longer serve you and need to be re-written, I’m sure we can help with those too. Drop me an email or leave a comment below. I want to help!
With much love and gratitude,
This blog originally appeared on The Serendipitous Soul, home to SheHive's Mindfulness Coach, Jennifer Raybaud.
Yesterday on Facebook I posted a quote and referred to another, the one I made reference to was by the famous American spiritual teacher, Marianne Williamson and it goes like this "Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."
This morning as I was lying in bed, I began thinking about when I've "played small" and a couple distinct times came to mind. I'm going to share one of those times because I think that as women (and of course this is the only perspective I'm privy to) we hold each other back WAY too often for some seriously petty reasons.
Earlier this year I was giving a presentation as part of a group. Several of us took turns sharing ideas and I can recall as if it were yesterday standing there, sharing and suddenly feeling uncomfortable, feeling judgment like I had never experienced before, the voice in my head, my darling inner critic, felt my dis-ease and since it's his job (yeah, he's a he to me) to keep me safe, he decided to "warn me" to "tone it down." "Don't be so energetic Raybaud, don't articulate those facts so much, don't use that word..." he was pretty thorough in about a moment's time. Incredible how much "he" can mess with me with less than a second or two ticking past.
Then the other "voice in my head", what I like to call "my higher-self" jumped in immediately, putting my critic in place. She said "No way! You don't play small for anyone, anymore." Just be yourself, it's not your problem." And away I went, continuing on with my presentation.
Now just so you don't think I was being egotistical, which by the way I didn't feel "puffed up" by this incident at all, in fact, I felt dismayed that fellow professionals would give me that vibe and that I almost "shrunk" to meet it but weeks after this had happened a woman who was in the same room ran into me. She brought up that day, brought up my presentation and brought up the fact that the feeling of judgment against me was palpable. It was so "there", that she felt it too. Yea, I knew it. Score one for the gut.
But you know what? I get it, I'm easy to judge in that space. I have been standing in front of people presenting almost my entire adult life. I have been teaching folks for years and I write and present my own materials several times a week so public speaking, which I know is a real bugger for most, isn't for me. So right there, I'm in a unique position.
I also have an interesting vocabulary, it's a culmination of the millions of books I've read in my life with a heaping helping of random trivia and I would be remiss not to cite the influence classic film and my affinity for "all things vintage", has had on it. Especially things from the 1920's - 1940's, I jokingly say that I speak in "Granny-isims" because I find myself using words from long ago at times. I adore words and those that know me, know this ALL too well.
I get it, I'm an easy target at times, but here's my issue. What the heck is wrong with us as women in making the choice not to celebrate one of us "rising" in any way, in any form, and at any occasion? It's not like the person doing well takes a piece of us away, I mean unless you feel that way and I would throw down the challenge that that says more about you than it does the object of your disdain.
We have to get real to get right and it begins with our objectively shining the "spotlight of awareness" on ourselves at times instead of blaming others while firmly entrenched in the role of victim.
It's time to stop playing small as individuals and consider "signing-up" to be a part of the team of women looking to aim higher. To cheer our collective body on. To want all of us to think and behave out of our highest selves at any given moment, and to utilize every drop of the divine gifts we've been given.
I'm done playing small. I mean it. 'Til the day I die. If you can't like, respect or love me the way I am, then Darlin', I don't need you in my life.
Proud member of the "Aim High - Watching Women Fly Club!"
Membership is free and by golly, we want you!
My hope is...you'll join us. <3
Lindsay T., Ferndale
Currently reading: Too Fat, Too Slutty, Too Loud: The Rise and Reign of the Unruly Woman by Anne Helen Petersen
Currently watching: All Nextflix, all the time. Current obsessions are: The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and Master of None.
Currently listening to:The Trolls soundtrack (I'm hooked thanks to a recent car ride with my niece...)
Craziest thing on your Ultimate Life List? The item that's currently top of my bucket list is run 30+ miles in a road running relay.
Best piece of advice you ever received? If you say you're sorry all the time, people will think you did something wrong.
What brought you to the SheHive? And what keeps you here? It’s a place dedicated to facilitating growth in whatever way (learning style, stage of life/career, etc.) a woman needs offering many different opportunities for personal and professional growth. It's also a great place to meet smart and talented women and join a vibrant, diverse community.
How do you want to be remembered? As a person who wrung every drop of goodness out of this life and gave as much to others as she got.