Annual State of the Shoulds

It all started a few years ago when I decided that 2018 was going to be MY YEAR. I Googled “things I should do every day,” compiled a list of everything that was mentioned in the articles that showed up on the first page of the search results, and made a plan to randomly try a different, new activity every week. 

The intention was to find out what would stick and help me become a better me. I even started a side project - a blog called Fluff the Cushions - to track and share my progress. It was named for what I believed to be the most inane of all the suggested "shoulds" - I should fluff my couch cushions every day.

But instead of feeling fulfilled, I quickly found myself thoroughly depressed because almost none of it - from pulling oil through my teeth to repeating affirmations in the mirror to establishing a “simple” morning routine of reading, journaling, prayer, meditation and exercise  - had gotten me any closer to who I wanted to be.

Being vs Doing

I scrapped the plan and went back to the drawing board. I started by defining how I wanted to BE - joyful (2019), disciplined (2020) or comfortable (2021) - and then defined the critical, few activities that could help me feel more of that. Once I mastered those critical few activities, I’d add on another.

Ironically, fluffing the couch cushions makes the list every year. Turns out a well-coiffed couch makes me feel joyful, disciplined and comfortable.
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I like this way of goal setting much better than throwing a flurry of activity at the wall and seeing what sticks. It works for me.

Enter the Annual List

Still, for shits and giggles, I Google “things I should do every day” every December just to see how the tides are changing. In 2018 the list returned 72 results. In 2019, it jumped to 234 and in 2020 there were a whopping 338 things we should be doing every day (thanks to a man named Frank)! This year, luckily, the experts are only suggesting we do 269 daily. 

I’ve started to call this side project the Annual State of the Shoulds. 

There’s a lot of shit out there that other people think you and I should be doing every day. This year there’s also a lot of ways others think we should behave.  I also noticed a trend that, if the list was written my a man, the dictums often made me feel like I was preparing to go to war: 
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• kill people with kindness
• unmercifully pursue your dreams 
• compete with others

And, because there’s obviously a bunch of Type A personalities out there authoring lists of 10 or 25 or 90 (yes, 90!) things we should do every day, there was a myriad of tracking mechanisms declared necessary this year. (For the record, our brains are only designed to remember two - three things at a time.)

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The 2021 List

According to the “experts”, annually you should: 

• Create a vision board
• Get an accountability buddy
• Make a theme for your year

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And daily you should: 
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Finances

• Be responsible with money 
• Check your bank account

Fitness

• Become a morning workout person
• Try a full-body exercise like swimming
• Track your steps
• Stretch after every workout
• Dance while getting ready
• Be active
• Move your body
• Do a dance party in your room
• Stretch different parts of your body
• Exercise
• Walk when you can
• Find one small way to add more steps to your day

General Health

• See a doctor when a problem arises

Home

• Remove daily activities out of your bedroom
• Wash your sheets more often
• Clean out your closet
• Donate things you no longer need
• Clean your bathroom
• Put your clothes away
• Tidy up your space
• Clean your room

Hygiene 

• Meditate in the shower
• Wear something you love (I’ll give it to 2020 – you made this a lot easier)
• Floss
• Do your skincare routine
• Use a jade roller

Learning

• Read and learn
• Make a To-Be-Read list
• Sign up for events and workshops
• Read more
• Learn something new
• Read before bed for entertainment
• Learn a new word
• Fight to improve
• Listen to an encouraging podcast
• Devote 15 minutes to reading a spiritual text 
• Take a class
• Make at least one improvement
• Make 1% changes every day
• Read for 1 hour every single day
• Check the news – world and local
• Do something different
• Share your ideas and get feedback

Mindfulness

• Meditate
• Try a meditation app
• Sit in child’s pose for a minute
• Take a break 
• Be present
• Do daily positive affirmations
• Practice gratitude
• Just be – even for five minutes
• Take a few deep breaths
• Listen to music
• Look for joy in simple things
• Pay attention to the smile things and journal about them

Nature

• Get outside
• Go star-gazing
• Enjoy nature

Nutrition

• Take a probiotic
• Drink water
• Don’t go to the grocery store hungry
• Eat something green
• Eat out less
• Drink a water of glass as soon you wake up
• Put a water of glass next to your alarm to drink as soon as you wake up
• Take vitamins 
• Carry water and vitamins with you
• Put more greens in your diet
• Hydrate yourself
• Put your water bottle where you spend time
• Sneak fruits and veggies in when you can
• Don’t be afraid to say no to drinking
• Work on your relationship with food
• Personalize your supplement routine
• Drink your coffee black
• Add a superfood to your coffee
• Not drink soda
• Learn more about seasonal produce
• Stash healthy snacks wherever you go
• Find a go-to crockpot recipe
• Stop tracking your calories
• Track your nutrients
• Chop veggies
• Eat 2 – 3 green foods daily
• Cook more
• Reduce fast food intake
• Drink 91 – 125 oz of water
• Eat your vegetables
• Eat plenty of fiber
• Refill your water bottle
• Make something in the kitchen
• Deliberately choose a healthy ingredient
• Don’t be afraid to personalize your food order 
• Balance the colors on your plate
• Drink a glass of water with every meal
• Start a cookbook club

Planning / Tracking

• Prepare for the next day
• Plan and think
• Say no to things that don’t fit in your schedule
• Cancel plans that don’t align with your goals
• Make a to-do list
• Create healthy habits 
• Visualize every night before going to bed
• Take me time every day
• Do something to prepare for the next day
• Time block 
• Set timers for your tasks
• Plan your day the night before
• Make a to-do list
• Track your habits
• Write down 3 goals for the day
• Start a self-care diary
• Save just 30 minutes of wasted time a day
• Build balance among your competing priorities.
• Learn what balance feels like and appreciate its gifts
• Finish what you start
• Five yourself too little time to force creative ways to improve efficiency
• “Unmercifully remove the things in your life that don’t matter so you can foxus on the things that do.” (oh irony – the typo came directly from the author who obviously isn’t focused on this piece of advice as mattering)
• Write your goals down 
• Write short, medium and long-term goals
• Actively track your progress against your goals
• Say no to almost everything
• Use a timer for everything
• Do thing you are least looking forward to first
• Do what you are going to do when you say you are going to do it 

Reflection

• Journal
• Gratitude journal
• Record your thoughts and ideas in a journal every day for you to reflect upon “labour”

Relationships

• Call your mom
• Make time for friends
• Talk to someone you love
• Make phone calls
• Focus on your friendships
• Meet people
• Reach out and talk to people
• Praise people when they do well
• Treat people how you want to be treated
• Kill people with kindness 
• Kill people with generosity
• Thank people for their time
• Thank people for their expertise
• Realize you can’t win arguments 
• Be honest to others
• Tell the truth as often as you can 
• Text a loved one a compliment

Sleep

• Wake up early and go to bed early
• Make sleep a top priority
• Stop hitting snooze
• Make your bed
• Never go to bed angry or upset
• Evoke a feeling of gratefulness before going to sleep
• Get up immediately in the morning
• Get at least 8 hours of sleep
• Track your sleep on an app

Technology 

• Delete news apps from your phone
• Check your email 
• Match your playlists with your mood
• Listen to songs that are upbeat
• Unfollow people who don’t share your vision
• Try the one-tab challenge
• Only check emails once per day
• Stop sending as many emails
• Skip screens before bed
• Declutter your playlists
• Abandon social media
• Put your phone away before bed
• Turn on a playlist you love
• Unsubscribe from annoying emails
• Sleep with your phone away from your bed
• Spend an hour without your phone
• Watch Netflix every night

Travel

• Travel
• Understand the idiosyncrasies between cultures and experience living
• Plan a vacation

​Work​

• Take breaks throughout your workday
• Declutter your workspace
• Track your tasks
• Take breaks
• Love what you do
• Create on an unprecedented scale
• Never settle 
• Find what you love
• Start 10 companies
• Never have a Plan B
• Remove interruptions

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And, while you are at it, you should buy (with that extra $4,000 you have lying around):

• Flowers ($10)
• A cord organizer ($10)
• An Instant Pot ($60)
• An electric neck and shoulder massager ($70)
• AirPods Pro ($200)
• A Wake-up Light Alarm Clock ($130)
• A Journal Goal Planner ($30)
• Bombas Socks ($12)
• A Barefoot Dreams Sweater ($100)
• An Away Carry-On Bag ($225)
• An Ice Face Roller ($50)
• A Hydro Flask ($25)
• An Aervana Electric Wine Aerator ($100)
• An Avocado Slicer ($10)
• Vitamin-infused coffee ($30)
• A Dyson Hairdryer ($400)
• An Ember mug ($100)
• A Nest Candle ($42)
• A Jackery Bolt Portable Charger ($25)
• A Sous Vide thermometer ($140) 
• A Peloton Bike ($2000)

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And, don’t forget, while you are doing all this, to: 

• Unmercifully pursue your dreams
• Not give up too easily
• Do your best
• Never wait for things
• Be prolific
• Be relentless, never give up
• Compete against people better than you 
• Take risks
• Spot chances
• Be honest with yourself
• Talk through FOMO
• Be brave
• Never be afraid to ask for advice
• Never be too proud to apologize
• Recognize when you are wrong and make amends
• Not be precious and protective of things
• Be more concerned with your character than your reputation
• Take each day as a fresh start
• Feel your negative emotions and let them pass
• Not let your feelings consume you
• Live in trust and trustworthiness
• Not allow your life to become a clumsy series of unplanned events and outcomes
• Not complain
• Use the 5 X 5 rule (If it’s not going to matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes upset about it.)
• Respect your limits
• Perceive your needs
• Stop the unnecessary self-criticism
• Hit the brakes (aka slow down)
• Embrace change and adapt
• Be less interested in how important you become and more interested in the difference you can make
• Make every day a great day
• Replace people-pleasing and a need for approval with confidence
• Be ready to set new standards, higher than the ones we have today
• Constantly evolve
• Pay attention to your needs
• Have positive self-talks
• Stay true to yourself
• Take your feelings seriously
• increase your commitment to actively and consciously creating your future 
• Prioritize your personal development and self-improvement
• Discipline yourself to seek out answers, do research, and look for solutions rather than problems

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The Point Is...

Now of course, making goals, establishing a routine and documenting your progress are all good things. The Annual State of the Shoulds only serves to showcase in a silly and extreme way just how many expectations we carry on our collective backs.

Let go of the load, lovely.  Please know that only you can decide where to expend your precious, precious energy.

Your Turn

How do you want to BE this year? I’d love to hear from you! Shoot me an email or drop a comment below. 
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With much love and gratitude,

Ursula Adams, MSPOD
​SheHiveFounder