50 truths for my younger self

Tomorrow I turn 50 and I’m simply floored. Thirty was no no biggie, forty felt mature, but fifty? That feels like something - like a long time. Like half a century. How did that happen?!

But don’t get me wrong - I don’t mind aging one bit. I’ll take my wise brain over my young body any day.

In fact, 25 was the only age that ever gave me pause. I was so full of anxiety - sure I hadn’t accomplished enough. Looking back now - TWENTY FIVE years into the future, it’s laughable. What could I have possibly expected to accomplish at 25? I was a baby who had so much more to experience!

I’ve taken some time this week to reflect on what I would tell that 25 year old today if I could talk to her. Read on for 50 truths for my younger self.

1. A 1% improvement is better than never daring to start.
2. A lot of men will start dismissing you as the wrinkles and the pounds start to appear - and it will be glorious because you will finally be able to reclaim your body as completely and wholly your own.
3. Acts of Service is your love language. Learn what it means and how to share it with others. Learn how to show yourself love in the same way.
4. Beautiful moments - like rafting the Colorado river during sunrise, laying outside on a still summer night watching fireworks with your husband, watching a Florida sunset with your mother, singing a favorite song with 10,000 other people at a concert and feeling the literal power of your own voice as you scream at the top of your lungs under a full moon around a campfire with a bunch of free-spirited women - will be the defining moments in your life. Not the raises or promotions or new cars... these moments.
5. Defining what you don’t believe in is just the first step. You must also define what you do believe in.
6. Don’t be ashamed of your emotions. To feel is to be alive!
7. Don’t live to leave behind a legacy, live to build a life you love.
8. Don’t simply ignore the inner critic in your head. Get curious about the stories she’s telling you and teach her to know better if the stories no longer hold true.
9. Get out in nature as much as possible.
10. Go to therapy and don’t stop. You deserve a safe space to unpack your stuff.
11. Happiness is an inside job, not given or bestowed.
12. Healthy people ask for what they need.
    
13. Hope is one million more times powerful than shame.
14. If you slow down and clear your mind long enough, you'll feel the energy that connects you to every living thing in the universe. And it's amazing.
15. Learning trumps achievement – every time.
16. Living a life you love will be your best argument.
17. Never stop being curious. You know a lot, but you don’t know it all and you never will.
18. No one knows more about you than you know about yourself. (Well, except for maybe Jillian, Therapist to the Stars.)
19. No one will ever be able to accurately dictate the trajectory of your dreams better than you.
20. Once you work your way through a lifetime of fight or flight and your body stops craving carbs to deaden the cortisol overload, your body is going to start craving food that is good for it. Do your inner work if you want to change your outer body.
21. Quality – in relationships, in belongings, in experiences, in everything – matters so much more than quantity.
22. Satisfying work is not the whole of a satisfying life.
23. Sexy is a state of mind, not the clothes or makeup you wear.
24. Some people come into your life for just a season.
25. Stop putting idols on a pedestal. You belong in every room you find yourself in just as much as anyone else there.
26. Stop shaming yourself for not knowing better before you had the chance to know better.
27. Take a road trip somewhere new as often as possible. It’s life-giving to you.
28. Take feedback only from those who have earned the right to give it to you.
29. Take out the trash. Do the dishes. Pick up the things. Do your homework. And do it now. Discipline will give you an immense freedom and comfort.
30. Take your own advice. It’s good.
31. The brain in your gut is as beautiful and smart as the brain in your head.
32. The world cannot resist authenticity is not a cliche - it is a truth.
33. The world is run by those who show up. Show up!
34. (And) The world needs all parts of you to show up. 
35. There is no shame in getting it wrong - one time, two times, three times, 100 times - as long as you are learning and incrementally improving.
36. There will always be enough money.
37. There will come a day when making amends will matter more than deflecting the truth and defending yourself. Listen to the people you love when they tell you that you have hurt them.
38. Transactional relationships are fine, but they will not be the relationships that fill your inner circle. Those relationships must be transformational.
39. When you feel wronged, you deserve to be heard by those who wronged you.
40. When you get tired, learn to rest – not to quit.
41. When you hear the word “should” in your head, question it… always.
42. You are not alone in this world, ever.
43. You can accomplish so much more than you ever imagined. Learn to dream bigger.
44. You do not have to suffer to do good.
45. You have a lot to say - share your story. It will matter to someone. It will matter to you.
46. You like leading. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to step out front.
47. You will always be a student of the human condition. It’s your greatest passion.
48. Your empathy is your greatest gift and your largest burden. Learn how to spot and protect yourself from the energy vampires.
49. Your marriage will not be a fairy tale, nor will any other relationship you have. Caring for others (and yourself) will always be hard - and worthy - work.
50. You are your ultimate love story.

What truths would you share with your younger self? I'd love to hear them! Drop your older, wiser, truths in the comments below.

With much love and gratitude,

Ursula Adams,
​SheHive Founder